Self-Care Isn’t Just Bubble Baths: Why You Avoid Your Doctor’s Appointments

If you’ve ever found yourself putting off scheduling your own doctor’s appointment—but somehow manage to book everyone else’s on time—you’re not alone. For many people, especially those struggling with anxiety, depression, or chronic stress, taking care of personal health needs can feel surprisingly hard.

The Psychology Behind Avoidance

On the surface, not scheduling that annual physical might seem like simple procrastination. But in therapy, we often explore how avoidance can be a coping mechanism. When you already feel emotionally taxed or overwhelmed, even small administrative tasks can trigger feelings of pressure or inadequacy.

For those living with anxiety, the thought of making a phone call or confronting the unknown (like potential medical results) can spike worry and tension. For individuals experiencing depression, the executive functioning required to plan, call, and follow through may feel like an impossible climb. The result? A mounting list of “shoulds” that only deepens feelings of guilt or shame.

Why Self-Care Feels So Complicated

We tend to associate self-care with indulgence—spa days, bubble baths, or vacations—but real self-care is often unglamorous. It’s scheduling the appointment, setting boundaries, and getting enough rest. Yet many of us struggle to prioritize these things because they require slowing down and acknowledging our needs, which can feel vulnerable or even selfish.

Culturally, we’re taught to value productivity over rest. But this mindset fuels burnout and reinforces a cycle where we care for everyone else before ourselves. For parents, caregivers, and high achievers, this can be especially pronounced: it feels easier to justify another person’s needs than your own.

The Relationship Impact

When anxiety or depression make self-care difficult, it doesn’t just affect your well-being—it can spill into your relationships. Chronic exhaustion or irritability can make it harder to connect with your partner, be patient with your kids, or feel present with friends. Over time, this can create resentment or emotional distance, even when you deeply care about the people around you.

A Therapeutic Perspective

In therapy, we often reframe self-care as a form of emotional regulation and boundary-setting, not self-indulgence. Learning to prioritize your own needs strengthens your capacity to show up for others in a more grounded, authentic way.

So the next time you catch yourself avoiding that appointment, try to pause and get curious—not judgmental. Ask yourself:

• What emotions come up when I think about prioritizing my needs?

• Am I afraid of what slowing down might bring up?

• What would it mean to treat myself with the same care I give to others?

Scheduling that appointment isn’t just about physical health—it’s an act of self-respect and emotional balance.